He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
