Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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