Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
