Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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