I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
