I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
