I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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