We're like a lot better than the average bears
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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