guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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