They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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