You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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