Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
