If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
