Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
