apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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