Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
