I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
