My room smells like vodka and shame
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
