okay pat passed out under dana's car
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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