just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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