Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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