it wasn't lemon gatorade
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
