I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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