you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
