More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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