pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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