I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
