Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize