I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
