Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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