That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
