it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
