I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
