Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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