Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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