I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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