I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
