I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
