i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
