it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
