GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
