i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize