I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
