So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
