I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
two words...techno handjob
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize