Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
