he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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