I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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