I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
