can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
