Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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