Can i not drive my cunt home
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
