It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
