it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
