I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
