My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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