my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
