Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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