I would go down on you faster than GM stock
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
