hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
