You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
