Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
