toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
