try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
