Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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